Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Day 2

Last night I had an experience that caused me to seriously reconsider what I needed Jesus to do for me over these 21 days. We have been battling bedtime issues with Adi ever since she was born and last night it felt like it all came to a head. If I have a demon, I heard it's voice last night! It was awful. Adi should be asleep by 8:00 and didn't go to bed until 11:00.

In some ways I was wondering if God was testing me to see if I would actually go downstairs and exercise for my 30 minutes after all of that. I was pissed, though, and exercise was the last thing on my mind. So now I realize that maybe God wasn't testing me - maybe he was showing me a piece of me and my lifestyle that needs changing more urgently than what I eat and how much I exercise. Huh.

I don't know how many other people who start on 21 or 40 Days of Faith experiments learn that after only one day that they are asking for the wrong thing. That what Jesus really wants to do for them is very different than what they settled on (because we all have so many needs, don't we? Who's perfect aside from Jesus?)

So although my experience last night was stressful, traumatic in some ways, and humiliating as a parent I am grateful for it. For 2 1/2 years we have had problems with bedtime (with a few short time periods where everything seemed to go OK). My new prayer is:

God, I'm desperate to help my daughter get the sleep she needs. Please guide me toward resources that will help us. I pray that Adi will be blessed with independence to be able to fall asleep without me in the room. And I pray for sanity through the process/transition/changes that need to happen to make it all work. I need your divine intervention, Lord. I can not do it alone so I need you, Jesus.

On the fast side of things, so far so good. I think I'm going to need to ease my way to veggies only (if I still feel like I need to do that in a week or so). Eating all raw is a huge change and is certainly not easy. Especially with treat days at work, family gatherings, and every day life! Ugh, it's so hard (past experience) but I know it will be worth it if it means I get to experience God in a way I couldn't have otherwise. Through a fast - a long complicated fast.

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