I'm back to work today and though I thought I would be busy, I have a lot of free time today. I'm really grateful for that because I'm able to spend this free time preparing for my 21 days of faith experiment.
I've been thinking over the past several days what it is that I want to ask of Jesus to do for me over the next several weeks in this experiment. It feels like there are so many areas of brokenness and need in my life right now. I'm searching for clarity, peace, and healing but there's something more. Something deeper still that goes into the core of who I am and is emanated all the way to the surface of who I am.
I've noticed over the years that there seems to be a connection physically with each one of my miscarriages, and that connection is a 10 pound weight gain accompanying each loss. I realized that what I'm doing is "self-medicating". Instead of falling on my face before Jesus and asking Him for help and comfort I feed my face and deal alone.
Let me just say that this isn't working! Not only do I feel bad about myself physically but I physically feel bad. I'm completely out of shape and this body that God has blessed me with has been used and abused by laziness and junk food frenzies every time life gets tough. This is really interesting since I'm such an advocate of organic food, vegetarianism, and naturopathic lifestyles. I clearly do not practice what I believe in when things get rough and that in turn makes me feel bad about myself as a person! This is a vicious cycle and it has to end!!
So all the times I've tried to change this and failed - I'm putting them behind me. I'm asking Jesus over the next 21 days to help me change my diet and exercise habits permanently --- into a healthy lifestyle rich in healthy choices every day. And in the difficult moments of life I will reach for Jesus instead of eating eating eating.
Even further, I will commit at least 30 minutes every evening (no matter how late Adi goes to bed and how tired I am) to exercise in some form. I want to dedicate this 30 minutes not only to my health and physical well-being, but to make it a time of prayer and meditation. That I can spend this time with God and talk with Him, listen to Him, engage in His presence.
Part of the faith experiment is to fast from something as well. When I think of fasting, I immediately think of food. Probably because it's the thing in my life that feels most costly to give up since I lean on it so much. I know there are other types of fasts and if I were pregnant or nursing I would certainly choose an alternative. But for me, the greatest results can only come from fasting from food.
I like the idea of eating raw food exclusively. I've tried to do 30 days raw in the past for cleansing purposes but failed after only 10 days. For the sake of this experiment, I'm choosing to fast from cooked food for 21 days. Because I have a real sense of the power of a juice fast, I want to try to do at least a 3 day fresh raw juice fast in the midst of those 21 days. I trust God to tell me when the time is right for that.
Just a quick note on the difference between fresh raw juice and canned or bottled juices. I truly believe that especially when fasting it's detrimental to have the living enzymes and dense nutrients remain intact in the juice. That instant nutrition has made my past fasts feel invigorating and blissful compared to difficult and even painful when bottled juice was used. On my fresh juice fasts I actually had tons of energy and felt fresh and free, and my mind was clear. My ability to hear God in that state was phenomenal because I physically felt well and wasn't spending my time suffering through the fast. Instead it was joyful and exciting and all together wonderful. Just writing about it makes me long for that experience with God again.