21 Days Come to an End

My 21 days of faith experiment ended yesterday. I gleefully broke my fast by enjoying a beautiful meal at Oyama, a wonderful Japanese restaurant with my family last night. I always like eating Japanese food because I feel like I ate something good for me and never feel like I'm going to explode when I leave (except one time several years ago when I had sake and it gave me such bad gas I thought I was going to die - seriously. But that's a different story and believe it or not Tums came to the rescue so I survived. HA!)

Now I'm looking back and reflecting on all the things that the 21 days did in me. What I realized was that going deeper into faith can be frustrating, scary and difficult. My 21 days were a whirlwind of emotions as God called things out of me to deal with. And you know what? I had to deal with them because of my fast from cooked food. Any other time I probably would have noticed God bringing something up and then fighting Him by burying myself in some unhealthy behavior like eating a whole bag of Doritos. I would feel the pain of my weaknesses and self medicate with junk instead of and saying, "Yes, I do this or that, and it's not OK. Jesus help me change it."

So what I'm taking home with me out of this experiment is faith. Not because I asked for a miracle and saw a miracle happen on the outside but because God showed me many small miracles inside and helped me to begin to change the ugly parts of who God never intended me to be.

I started out asking Jesus to step in to my life and help me change my eating lifestyle but the very first night God told me that He wanted to work on something else. And I was pissed! And then God told me he wanted to work on that too!! HA ha. It was a crazy start to something that was supposed to be faith building - God tearing down my useless defenses first. Isn't He smart? But I felt like I was going nuts and the new thing we were working on wasn't going well.

The bedtime routine with my daughter was getting completely out of control so I knew only after God pointed it out (duh) that this was the miracle I needed to see in my life right now. I was spending hours each night trying to get Adi to sleep and much of that time was spent with me crying and cursing God for not helping me. Oh man, did I ever have to repent for that! But I felt alone, I felt abandoned and I felt like there was really no point in praying any more if God wasn't going to answer my prayers.

I had come to a point of giving up on hope and deciding that I was going to have to do it on my own, without the help of my God. It didn't take long for God to set me straight on that because now I felt dead spiritually and my only chance at life was to admit I couldn't do it on my own and I begged Jesus to forgive me and just be with me. I think that was the weekend I desperately needed to be in worship and church but I was scheduled to serve in the toddler room. Funny how that always seems to happen. Kind of like God saying, "Don't depend on worship and church - depend on Me! Turn your eyes to Me!"

My next lesson was patience. This one keeps coming up for me. I don't know if I'll ever get it right. God showed me that I needed to be patient with Adi. She's two and a half. She's just a child - what she needs most from me are love, consistency and patience. So I knew I had to slow down. I had to look at some resources and figure out a plan. And then I had to stick with the plan and finally (and most importantly) I had to be patient!

Another place where patience became vital was in waiting for my period to come. It's so hard to just wait around, not knowing when I'll be able to move on and get my test done and find out what the heck is wrong with me and why I can't seem to stay pregnant. I felt myself getting irritated because I felt very much like I was experiencing PMS (with meltdowns and extreme emotions) but I couldn't tell if it was because I actually had hormones doing crazy stuff or if it was because I didn't have cooked food to turn to. So I had to be patient and wait.

Finally another Sunday came and I was so completely on edge to begin with. I didn't know if I had any faith at all. I was so low and so desperate. And then I had to listen to a testimony about grasping for what we want vs. waiting and receiving what God has for us. Though I had heard the testimony before it threw me way off. I was feeling good about deciding to have the HSG done and then all of a sudden I was forced to consider whether doing so was just grasping and not waiting and receiving. I think I wrote a blog entry about this because it was pretty relevant. Ultimately I came to a place of knowing in my heart that I have two choices. I can continue on the way I have been and take the risk of having many more miscarriages, or I can accept the technology that could tell me what is wrong and possibly help me prevent it from ever happening again. My heart can't keep going through miscarriages. I just can't. I'm getting the test and once again, I feel good about that.

That same afternoon I went to a prophetic ministry time that was wonderful and affirming for me. God told me to keep praying. He told me other things that I desperately needed to hear and I left feeling like Jesus had restored me. I felt my faith grow, my heart heal, and the spirit of joy.

My final week was probably the easiest in terms of faith but the hardest in terms of my fast. I stayed on my fast through both Thanksgiving dinners that we attended and it was miserable. But I did it. Cam was so proud of me and I was just a grumpy old fuddy duddy! But family made it all better and I was grateful to have been able to make a choice between cooked and raw food and that there was an abundance of each. So many people in the world (including right here in our country) aren't so blessed.

This post is already so long. There's so much more I could say and other ways I can see God working in me but I think I just want to close by saying that my faith experiment was exactly what it should have been. Did I see an answer to prayer? Yes, I did. Just not in the way I expected to. I think 21 days was perfect for me and I can't wait until the next faith experiment comes up - if God did all of this in 21 days, I can only imagine what He could do in 40!

Sprouted Almonds from Co-op

Ahhhh! The sprouted almonds from the New Pioneer Co-op are not raw! I got some last night to use in some recipes for Thanksgiving because I am too lazy to sprout almonds on my own. I should have read the label more carefully because they were actually roasted after being sprouted. I sampled a few last night and had my suspicions so I couldn't help but call today and learned the truth. So now my fast has been tainted but never fear. I will continue onward eating only raw through day 21. In my own defense, I didn't officially cheat - I was ignorant about the product I bought and I screwed up out of an attempt to save myself a little time. Darn - now I'm only like 99.99% raw. Oh well, life goes on!

Golden Herb Potato Chips

7 Large, well scrubbed Yukon Gold (or other golden) potatoes
Savory Sprinkles: Salt to taste Garlic powder Onion Powder Yellow Flake Yeast A little Cayenne (optional)

Slice the potatoes as thin as possible (paper thin). (I use a meat slicer or a vegetable slicer.)Dip in a bowl of fresh lemon juice to retard discoloration. Layer on mesh dehydrator sheet and spray light with a pan spray.
Sprinkle lightly with savory sprinkles.
Dehydrate for several hours at 110 degrees or until crispy and crunchy. Check frequently as the thinner potatoes will dry quicker than thicker slices.
Cool well and bag in an airtight container. Great for dipping or just eating for pleasure!A few satisy quickly, unlike commercial potato chips which can take a whole bag to satisfy. Fills a 9 tray dehydrator.
Note: Blend dehydrated potatoes into powder, and you will have a great thickener to use in soups and sauces, plus you increase the nutrition of the prepared dish. Store in air tight container. - Chef Jeff and Nancy Riedesel, from This Is Not Your Mother's Cookbook* Comments: Michelle says "pan spray" is not raw, consider using a Misto spritzer with olive oil to spritz on the chips instead.

Raw Choccie Cupcakes

Choccie Cupcakes! (from thedailyraw.com)

1 cup walnuts, unsoaked
5 Medjool dates, unsoaked, pitted
1/8 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon coconut oil, liquid form
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ teaspoon almond extract
¼ teaspoon sea salt

Process walnut and dates in a food processor until mixture sticks together.
Add sea salt, vanilla extract and almond extract.
Roll small eight balls out of the mixture and place each one in 1 ¼-inch baking cups.
Mold the sides of the baking cups around the balls and form into a cupcake shape.

COCONUT ICING
1 cup coconut pulp
½ cup agave nectar
¼ cup coconut water
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
dash of sea salt

PINK ICING
1 tablespoon coconut icing
¼ teaspoon beet juice

LIGHT GREEN ICING
1 tablespoon coconut icing
¼ teaspoon liquid chlorophyll

CHOCOLATE ICING
1 tablespoon coconut icing
½ teaspoon unsweetened cocoa powder
¼ teaspoon maple syrup¼ tablespoon unsweetened coconut flakes, for garnish

1. Puree coconut pulp, coconut butter, agave nectar and water in the blender until you achieve a smooth consistency. Add vanilla extract and sea salt.
2 . In three small bowls, place 1 tablespoon each of the coconut icing.
3. In the first bowl add the beet juice and mix until the icing turns pink. In the second bowl, add the chlorophyll to the icing and mix until the icing turn light green. In the third bowl, add the cocoa powder and maple syrup to the icing, stir until it turns a dark brown.
4. Pour the remaining coconut icing in a glass bowl and cover with plastic wrap.
5. Frost the cupcakes with the coconut icing

Essene Stuffing

Essene Stuffing (from thedailyrawcafe.com)

3 cups diced Herb Essene Bread (recipe below)
¼ cup chopped onions
1 cup chopped celery
1 tablespoon poultry seasoning
1 teaspoon sea salt

1 In a large bowl, combine diced bread, onion, celery, poultry seasonings and sea salt.
2 Place mixture on Teflex sheet. Dehydrate at 100 degrees for 3 hours.

Herb Essene Bread

4 cups sprouted grains, Kamut, wheat berries, rye, etc.

1 cup almond flour

2 tablespoon olive oil

2 tablespoon Herb Blend*

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 In a food processor, grind the grains well. If your processor doesn’t have a powerful motor, use ¼ cup of water to get things going. Stop every so often to scrape the sides of the food processor. Blend the mixture until it forms a sticky dough.

2 Place dough in a large bowl and add almond flour, olive oil, herb blend and sea salt. Combine well.

3 Divide the mixture in half and spread each half on a two Teflex sheets, forming 8 x 8 squares.

4 Dehydrate at 110 degrees for 6 hours, flip over and with a pizza cutter, score into nine slices. Dehydrate an additional 6-8 hours or until the bread is crispy on the outside and moist on the inside.

* Herb Blend1 tablespoon thyme1 tablespoon rosemary1 tablespoon caraway seed

Combine seasonings in a coffee grinder and grind until fine.

Oh Sweet Jesus

I can not believe what a roller coaster I've been on over the past several days. I've gone from angry at God and blaming Him for all my shortcomings, having complete sobbing meltdowns, doubting my ability to parent, feeling like I don't deserve another child, questioning whether I have any faith at all, being shattered into a zillion tiny pieces (most of this happened Saturday and Sunday morning!) to a place of peace and joy. Which leads me to wonder if I'm a complete psychopath!!

Well, blessed be the name of the Lord for He has spoken into my life through a wonderful ministry time at a friends house yesterday afternoon. God reminded me that when I was suffering, he was there. He encouraged me to continue praying and not to give up - which is exactly where I was... about to give up. Jesus picked up every last one of the zillion pieces scattered about and held them in His hands as He lovingly put them back together - and then He blessed them. He encouraged my marriage, gave me permission to rest and reminded me to trust. And there was so much more that I'm still processing. How miraculous and glorious is our God. I stand in awe.

This morning a bittersweet joy arrived with the start of my period. It's so odd to feel joyous when my period finally comes after each miscarriage - it's a sign that my body has healed and I get a fresh start when any other period just means that I'm not pregnant. So 7 to 10 days from now I will undergo the infamously invasive and horrifying dye test... no matter how invasive or how horrifying the test might be I'm grateful to be having it. And I'm choosing to go into it knowing that God gave me lemons and I'm going to make lemonade!!

Getting Ahead of Myself

I'm finding so many exciting recipes on goneraw.com that I went ahead and filled up spaces on my blog for all 21 days! Thanksgiving is coming up and I can't wait to try some of these :) I'm currently on a liquid fast until Thursday so it's almost painful for me to look at all of these amazing recipes. Oh my!

The fast from cooked food is going so so well. It helps to have the right equipment. I love my dehydrator. We also ordered a Blendtec blender and it should arrive today. That will make my liquid fast much happier, I think :)

I hope everyone is enjoying looking at and reading about all of these crazy raw recipes. What a journey it's been so far. I'm really loving it, and I'm almost afraid to eat cooked food again. It might hurt me - HA!